can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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