I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can text with my tongue
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
