based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
