I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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