I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
