Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
