he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
