Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
