I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
