I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm always down for nudity.
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