my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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