I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
