i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
someone owes me an orgasm
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
