some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
