My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
