Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
