Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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