apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
