whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
