I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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