Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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