i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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