anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
