I am puke
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
