I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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