Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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