the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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