I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
