I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
