Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
