I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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