....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
