i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
