She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
