you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
