you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
