not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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