i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
