Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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