well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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