literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
