How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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