Dignity is for republicans.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
