I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
