i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
