No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
