look no pants
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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