Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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