You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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