Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
