I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
