I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
