Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
