I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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