And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
