I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
