A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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